Wednesday, October 22, 2014

It has recently come to my attention that Jews are not as popular as they once were and that we (I say we for reasons of simplicity which will become apparent) are getting sensitive (some would say oversensitive) about this. How do you know this? one might reasonably ask.
Well, really its been little things,--not getting invited to the best parties, getting snickered at if we wander into the hardware section at Walmart, WWII. Things like that. In fact, apart from attending Fiddler on the Roof, most people prefer not to hear from or about Jews anymore at all.
How did this sad state of affairs come to pass you may ask? Well, apparently we got one bad write-up a couple of thousand years back and its been an emotional roller coaster ride ever since. (Critics!). Anyway, Not being a joiner, I decided it was high time for me to do something about this personally. To take some individual action.  You know,--take it to the streets! So, (being Jewish), I hired a publicity agency. A few weeks later they came back shaking their heads, saying,
'The real problem is that nobody can agree who is Jewish and who is not!'
'That is true.' I said. Not even the Jews can agree.' So I said,
'Well, I'm paying you guys, what can we do about this?'
'You need a motto', he bald guy with glasses says popping a piece of gum into his mouth.
'Something you all can subscribe to without reservation'
'Jews don't go anywhere without reservations' I say. When this does not get a laugh I continue...
'OK' I say. 'I agree, can't hurt. ' So three weeks later they come back smiling.
'We got it!' they say, (all beaming like they just floated the Costa Concordia).
'Something that all you fucking Jews can subscribe to and which paints you in a relatively positive light'.
'OK,' I say 'Show it to me, guys, I can't wait!'
So the other guy (not the bald gum chewer) sets up this easel (I'm thinking, who are you?! John Nagy). He takes what I guess is a piece of his mother's curtains, anyway a very fancy cloth that is draped over the piece of cardboard that he puts on the easel and then, very dramatically,
whips off that piece of cloth and there it was, --in Bodoni font--(Bold!).
. 'Jews,-- we don't jump off anything unless we have to!' 'That's pretty good.' I say, concealing my pleasure.
'That is Mon-nee!' I am thinking. So, if you happen to see this on a billboard, you should know that it is because one person took action, one person really can accomplish something. Wait,---